I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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