You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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