Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You pole danced in your parka.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
