So drunk its hurt
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
we're so committed to being not committed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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