I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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