i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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