Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
