so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think i have herpe
just one?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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