pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
