So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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