When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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