you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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