No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he thought i was a dude.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
