don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
