nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
