Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
