Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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