I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
