you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
