i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
