The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
