I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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