i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
