ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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