I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
