I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i came on her dog
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize