why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dignity is for republicans.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
