I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
