Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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