The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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