Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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