I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
