i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
