Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
