She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
