when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
