so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He shit in the fireplace
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
