i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize