Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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