If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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