We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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