My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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