thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize