Im at strip club and am horny
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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