well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
