yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
