Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
is that a dick in a sweater?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
