addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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