Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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