I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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