my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
