Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
