we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize