You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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