we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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