i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
