today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
