The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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