how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
