PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He has the fingertips of a God
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
