Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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