just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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