mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
