you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
