Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
