Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize