Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
