My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
