just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
