I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize