bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
